An Outsider in an Evangelical World

Each day I give God thanks for three things.

My spouse. { Let’s face it– he is a saint}

My parish and The Episcopal Church

The fact that I was NOT raised in Evangelical Christianity/my heathen hippie upbringing.

Here on the Gulf Coast, evangelical Christianity is pervasive. Many people I know and love came to my faith tradition by way of evangelical Christianity– and many carry baggage from that experience which I { thanks be to God} cannot begin to fathom. I did not come to Christianity as a child, my two parents taught my brother and me the very basics of Judaism and Christianity– we were taught to ” do unto others…”

That was the extent of our religious teachings at home. To be honest, I sought and found The Divine in Nature more often than at any church or synagogue. My understanding of a loving Creator was experiential– I saw LOVE in the creek, trees, birds, and other plants and animals in my northern Appalachian home.

As a matter of fact, I sometimes laugh at the irony of how much time I spend at church– willingly– as an adult. Yet it wasn’t always this way in my walk with God. College was especially challenging for me; as both  schools I attended has a rather ” evangelical”– and surely socially conservative– slant.

As a young adult I struggled to combine my passion to heal the world with my need for a faith community. Accepting Jesus was never an issue for me: it was finding people who treated each other with the love with which our Creator has for us. I sought people who followed the Jesus of the Beatitudes–the One Who came to show humanity a Way of Love . My problem was never with accepting Christ– it was finding Christians who would accept me in all my nontraditional messiness.

I sought a community that would not side-eye my devotion to Nature– who would not make me feel badly about my Jewish heritage. I sought a place where I could talk about the tough justice issues of our time in a Christian context. I wanted a community that sought to serve” …the least of these” and who welcomed honest questions about the Bible. I wanted a church that celebrated human love and sexuality in all its diversity and who  ordained all genders.

While I am blessed with having grown up with more freedom than many of my generation, my own lack of contact with the evangelical community leaves me somewhat of a cultural anomaly here in Pensacola. I feel grateful that I never was told that God does not love me because of who I am.

I thank The Episcopal Church for being ” my people” .

I can’t pretend anymore

I can’t pretend anymore.

Donald Trump’s Administration has brought out the worst in American society.  I know full well that Trump’s rise to power is but a mere symptom of the sickness of society, but since he took power I’ve noticed that our society has become more hateful, violent and schismatic.

I know a few people who still support this man , and I love them. But I can’t stand him as a person, and can no longer respect the ” office of President” — he has made such a mockery of it.

I am not speaking as a Democrat { as a matter of fact, I still identify as non-partisan}, I am speaking as a human.

Donald Trump has brought to light the worst of American society.

Don’t get me wrong — I think Hillary Clinton is horrible and I even understand those who voted for Trump because they can’t stand her. What I cannot understand is how good people can still wholeheartedly insist that Trump is a good person. To me, this issue is way beyond partisanship.

As a Jewish-American, and a person with many loved ones who are LGBTQ+, my heart hurts. People in 21st century America should not fear violence or other oppression based on whom God created them to be. I have lived for over four decades, and never in my lifetime has there been so much overt hatred against the ” other” .

I am doing my best to follow my priest’s advice and not get sucked into the drama of what is going on in our nation and world. To be honest, the ” God-Box” in my imagination gets filled up daily with crap done by humans to other humans  My priest reminded me that I cannot be of use to others if my soul is filled with the poison of the crap society dishes out daily. She advised me to find ways to acknowledge , and then put aside all the ” feels” which society pummels towards me daily. Additionally, my priest also encouraged me to see the good of the humans around me.

I shall #Persevere.

Computer went kaput

My laptop’s battery finally died.

After Hound Dog and I came in from a stroll around our neighborhood, I turned on my computer with the dying battery and **** nothing*** happened. Best Dude gave me some advice– but again, my computer did not respond.

Nothing. Zilch. Nada. None.

I do own two other devices that can access the Internet. Yet only my laptop holds all my photos from my Nikon **** and**** my cache of writing. As someone who writes in order to keep hold of a wee bit of sanity– I am bereft at the demise of my laptop. Best Dude thinks it can be fixed , but in the meantime all I want to say is  ” how am I gonna WRITE daily?”

Sister and fellow wordsmiths will understand that writing is what I DO. Not only is it therapeutic for me, I also practice a craft that is an essential part of my identity.  My volunteer activities require an ability to send my writings to others via the Internet. As grateful as I am to have my tablet, its email client is extremely limited

Shit.

We really cannot afford another computer at this time in our lives, so it is my hope that a new battery and/or power cord will resurrect my laptop. In retrospect, I ** should** have gotten the laptop checked out before now– but no one wants to leave the computer at the shop overnight.

Ugh.

Lesson Learned.

To My LGBTQ+ Loved Ones: I am So Sorry

Dear LGBTQ+ loved ones:

I woke this morning to hear the news that the United Methodist Church, one of the biggest Christian denominations in the USA, voted to not grant equality to LGBTQ+ persons.

While I am not sure of the specifics of the polity of this particular branch of The Way Of Love, I do know that my heart aches for my LGBTQ+ loved ones who discover that yet another branch of Christ’s Body on Earth chooses to deny their full inclusion in the sacramental life of their worshipping communities.

My heart is especially sad for Methodists who are LGBTQ+; as I cannot imagine how it must feel to have part of your humanity rejected by a Church who claims to follow Jesus. While the doors of my Episcopal church{ and most Episcopal churches} are open to you and those whom you love; my intent is to not convince you why you should become an Episcopalian. Because I love The Episcopal Church, I know that I would not find the well-meaning attempts of other  Christians to convince me to leave my church.

The Episcopal church is my home and I understand why some of you would take offense if I { or anyone} attempted to convince you to become an Episcopalian at this time. While our red doors remain open to you, please know that I am not going to badger you about visiting us.

If you want to talk, I am here for you.  I am sorry that the United Methodist Church voted to not recognize you as full members of the Body Of Christ.

You are loved by a loving Creator Mother God, just as you are. I am so sorry that United Methodists refuse to honor your whole personhood. Please remember that they do not speak for God. Nor do they speak for all Christ-Followers. Somehow I feel that they don’t even speak for all United Methodists.

While I totally understand if you feel the need to step away from Christianity; please remember that the Church Universal is a human institution . Since humanity is flawed , so are our institutions. I am not trying to make an excuse for the choices that the United Methodist Church has made, but merely reminding all of us of our Creator’s perfection.

Love and light,

Sarah

Working in our own ” Calcutta”

“Stay where you are. Find your own Calcutta. Find the sick, the suffering, and the lonely right there where you are — in your own homes and in your own families, in your workplaces and in your schools. You can find Calcutta all over the world, if you have the eyes to see. Everywhere, wherever you go, you find people who are unwanted, unloved, uncared for, just rejected by society — completely forgotten, completely left alone.”
MOTHER TERESA

I find it led by the Spirit that this Quote by Blessed Mother Teresa appeared in my Facebook feed this morning. Yesterday in church, the topic of the adult’s Faith Forum was ” East Hill: Our Community { Or something to that effect} Our associate rector went over ways in which my { white, somewhat wealthy Southern parish] can reach out to BE Christ’s Hands and Feet in our neighborhood.

As was discussed at the 2019 Convention of the Episcopal Diocese of the Central Gulf Coast , our ” life together” is more than what occurs within the walls of our church buildings and grounds. the future of Church goes way beyond what happened on Sunday mornings. We are called to BE THE CHURCH; to go beyond our campuses and seek out the needy, the broken, the unwanted and tend to their needs.

My parish does a pretty good job of working in the world– both in our immediate community , our State, our Nation and our World. Now , more than ever, Christians are called to seek out those who sit on the margins of society and serve them in the Name of Christ.

It is easy, especially for sensitive ” feelers” such as myself, to become overwhelmed with the needs of the world. As a matter of fact, I am learning to check myself when I feel like my empathy is starting to paralyze me. None of us can single-handedly solve all the problems humanity faces; and it does no one any good to make ourselves sick over what we cannot accomplish . { By the way, this epiphany came after a talk with my rector, who is one of the wisest people I know– and I am grateful for her presence in my life}

Yet each of us can do a little part in our own community to make life better for others — we can serve those in need who share the same location as do we. In order to better serve people in our immediate areas, we first need to go to them and see what they face daily.

For instance, my parish has a partnership with a low-income, almost entirely non-white elementary school that is located around the corner from our campus. I volunteer as a mentor there, and walking in that building to work with my student is a weekly reminder of just how much income disparity exists in Pensacola.  While I cannot solve the problem of poverty that is passed on from each generation to the next one  among the student-body  population of this school, I can make a difference in the life of one child.

Together we Christ-followers can be an unstoppable force for healing, hope and justice. And we can be that Light right in our own community.

 

Pilgrimages Part Two: Rally To Tally

One year ago this week, a friend and I embarked on a ” political pilgrimage” to Tallahassee. Best Dude { bless him} had me at the bus station at 3:30 AM on a cool Northwest Florida morning. Along with 50 or so other Northwest Florida pilgrims, I was on my way to the state Capitol to make some peaceful noise regarding common sense gun reform in my state.

I enjoy the occasional target practice with my spouse. He, like other gun-owning Americans, is responsible and safe with the weapons and ammunition we have in our house. Not everyone is as conscientious with weapons as is my spouse– and not everyone is mentally-healthy enough to have any sort of firearm at their disposal.

Let me say right now that I am a big fan of the Second Amendment. My husband taught me to safely fire and clean both hunting rifles His guns are{ manual, NOT AUTOMATIC or SEMIAUTOMATIC} and a revolver. Do I think that stricter firearms policies are needed? ABSOLUTELY!

Another person’s life should come before my right to shoot high-powered weapons. For instance, I own no weapons in my name and I gladly forfeit that right for the greater safety of others.

My motivation for attending this day-long sojourn was not to take people’s firearms away from them.  { Need I repeat myself before the Interwebs flames me?} Rather, I attended this event to let our state’s lawmakers know  that reasonable firearms’ reform is key.  I still believe that the reason for the upturn in gun violence is a symptom of a more pervasive, deadly, societal cancer that is White Supremacy. Until White Americans realize that we are not genetically superior to Black or Brown people, this notion that we are entitled to continue to rule the social, financial and political landscape in America will be the root cause of violence.

Anyway, my friend and I stood on the steps of the Capitol Building in Tallahassee with the rain soaking most of us through our clothes and shoes. My feet dampened as speakers , including students from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland Florida testified to the need for reasonable gun reform. 

In my opinion, the need to protect our Second Amendment needs to weigh carefully with the rights of people{ especially children} to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.  What I want to see{ but I know shall not happen in my lifetime} is a called Constitutional Convention to review and rewrite Amendment 2. After all, when our Constitution was framed, the weapons people had available to them were not as deadly as are what the National Rifle Association tried to tell people are the norm in the weapons world.

I was born and raised in the northern Appalachian foothills of Pennsylvania, Ohio and West Virginia. Almost every playmate I knew while growing up had a gun cabinet in the home. Most of the boys and some of the girls in my high school class hunted with rifles. They all used a bolt-action riffle for hunting; similar to the piece my spouse and I use at the shooting range. Hunters who know how to hunt do not need military-grade magazines and automatic rifles In spite of growing up in a culture where gun-ownership is the norm, I cannot recall one instance of a mass shooting until Columbine in 1999, five years after I graduated from my rural high school.

So what has so drastically changed in America that gun reform is needed?  How can we fix society so that people feel safe in schools, places of worship , and anywhere people gather together in large groups?

One thing I took away from the trip to Tallahassee is that the lawmakers are not willing to risk pissing of the National Rifle Association. My own state Representative is so deeply into the NRA’s pockets that he literally ran from us.

That pilgrimage taught me that there is so much more work that needs to be done to end mass shootings. A year after the deadly gunfire in Parkland, people are still being mauled by high powered firearms.

It breaks my heart that the pleas of our young people are ignored  while politicians { in both political parties} profit from keeping the gun  lobby happy.

 

Pilgrimages

On March 30, myself  and several other parishioners will join Episcopalians from around our Diocese for a pilgrimage to  Montgomery, Alabama.

We’ll depart from downtown Pensacola early in the morning and arrive home in the evening. The long day will include visiting The Equal Justice Initiative Legacy Museum, The Montgomery Civil Rights Memorial, and then to Good Shepherd Episcopal Church {a Black Episcopal Church where my sweet friend and spiritual director, Betsy+ is the Priest-In-Charge} It will be a long day, but an important one.

This is not the first pilgrimage I have made in my adult Christian walk. Many years ago, my parents and I were in the Washington, DC area for a wedding. My mother insisted that we spend some time in the National Holocaust Museum. To be honest, I did not want to go. As a Jewish-American Christian, I am fully aware of the horrors of one crazed person’s blind hatred for anyone who was ” not like him”, including European Jews.

In retrospect, I am grateful to Mom for insisting that we visit this museum as a family ; as it remains one of the most poignant memories of my adult spiritual life. As someone who feels others’ pain deeply I recall a visceral reaction to much of what we saw there. For instance; I remember feeling hot, dizzy and claustrophobic in a life-sized replica { or was it an actual artifact– I cannot remember} of a cattle car used to transport Jews to the death camps.

This pilgrimage to The National Holocaust Museum was important for me, and I thank my mom for her insistence that I go there. History– real history– has to be learned so that we humans can evolve as a society. I have always been proud of my Jewish-American heritage, and it is partly because of my minority status on my Mom’s side of my family that I fight for others’ rights.

I expect that the trip to Montgomery’s museum and memorial will not be easy for me , either.  Yet as a White American, it is extra-important for me to learn the true history of what Black and Brown people have experienced , and is still somewhat their reality today. While I may not totally understand the painful history of Black people in America, it is my responsibility to educate myself on the issues they face.

As Christians, we are called to ” …strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?”  Justice for all starts with education about and conversations with people who are oppressed. In order to moved forward, White Americans need to learn our history and own up to our ancestors’ roles in the oppression of others.

Part of doing life together is understanding each other. Pilgrimages can be vehicles that take us to a better understanding of where we , as a society, have been.

Amen

 

Lent 2019: No Politics Zone

Many people are talking about the  decluttering method where people asks themselves Does this spark joy? If the answer is ” no”, then that item is discarded or given away.

This Lent I shall take up the discipline of refusing to engage in politics or current events either on social media or in-person. I’ve discovered that I’ve been harboring some anger, frustration, and sadness in my soul since November’s election results and I’ve become aware that I cannot let circumstances that are way beyond my control consume my soul.  In order to be a good servant , I must have a clear heard and a rested heart.

Nothing I say , do or feel change the hearts and minds of people. So, if I cease from politics, especially on social media, there will be nothing worth responding to for people who insist in Donald Trump’s version of America. I cannot change the hearts and minds of others, but I can focus on making life better for others– one person at a time.

My hope and prayer for everyone is that their lent be holy and transformative.

Amen.

DioCGC19 Convention Wrap-Up Thoughts

As part of my responsibilities as the United Thank Offering representative for my Diocese, I attended the 48th Annual Convention of the Diocese of the Central Gulf Coast this past Thursday evening – to Saturday. My incredibly patient and understanding spouse did not bat an eye when I told him the dates of Convention fell on Valentine’s Day.

It was a wonderful, Spirit-filled weekend with people I know from Episcopal communities throughout my Diocese. Our theme for this year is ” Life Together”. To be honest, I cannot chose just one part of this Convention that encapsulates all I’d experienced. As a diverse group we worshipped, had conversation, made decisions, ate well, and danced { yes!} together.

My rector asked me what one thought I could take back from this year’s Convention and I told her– in a nutshell- that I experienced a taste of what God’s plan for humanity can be and eventually shall be.

This weekend I , and hopefully others, caught a glimpse of what life together would be like in a spirit to true shalom. Humanity, as seen at Convention is beautiful at our core. After all, we were the ‘ earth creatures whom God created in God’s own Image.

Again I am reminded of what St Paul told the Corinthians in Chapter 13 of his first epistle: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.”

Doing life together cannot happen without LOVE. When people are in a community that is full of this radical Love of Christ, human-made boundaries melt away. Radical LOVE leads to radical inclusion.  Love was tangible at this Convention, and I came away with a renewed hope in humanity.

Stories were shared by laypeople from the pulpit that spoke of the radical love, acceptance and inclusion that they’ve experienced in their Episcopal parishes. People who were scared to share their stories — people who were afraid to let people in on knowing them fully –spoke of the affirming assurance of God’s love that they found in The Episcopal Church. Rather than feeling sad that there are some Christian traditions that restrict or reject people-of-color, women, or LGBTQ persons, I am joyful that many of these people find their way to The Episcopal Church in my Diocese.

On Friday afternoon, we ended the business session and program with a sung Compline experience. I sat still { really, I sat still!} for that time and let the music be a vehicle for the Holy Spirit to work Her Will in me. As the music played and the choir chanted, I  visualized  taking all of the ” stuff” that impeded our journey to transformation and setting it in a big box,. I then visualized slamming the lid shut and walking away. When the musical prayers ceased and the lights returned to the nave, I honestly felt a renewed sense of purpose– and that a load had been lifted from my shoulders.

In a group breakout session, we were asked what first brought us to an Episcopal church. For me, it is the liturgy. My father’s family is Roman Catholic, and the rich traditions of that part of The Jesus Movement spoke to my soul in a tangible way. I came for the sacraments and the traditional liturgy. I stayed and became transformed by the radical love of my siblings-in-Christ. The journey has not always been easy, but it is worth all the hassle in order to do life together with my parish and my Diocese.

Amen

Chronic knee pain+ totally screwed up world= one unbalanced HSP intuitive

Yesterday I finally got in to see the knee doctor regarding the re-injury of the right knee– a body part that has plagued me for 25 years  [trust me, student-athletes— no matter how damn cute your crush is– if they show up at your sporting event do not show off for them}

Anyone who knows me has seen that I’ve been mentally and somewhat spiritually unbalanced these past few months.

In retrospect, I am pretty sure that the nagging sharp knee pain of osteoarthritis , coupled by people being cruel and my exposure to the 2-hour-news cycle is an unhealthy combination. No one is in their best ” place” mentally when always in physical pain or discomfort. Those of us with sensitive , empathetic souls constantly feel the pain of others and the weight of evil in the world.

It is by the grace of God { and the patience of my spouse] that I’ve not ended up in the mental-health ward of our local hospital lately.

The combination of chronic physical and psychic pain can really mess with a person’s mental state. For intuitive people such as myself, it is even more difficult to soldier on through the pain when one’s psyche is absorbing everything. 

That being said, I think that the knee brace that was prescribed to me by the specialist will help control my pain. Since picking it up yesterday  {and learning to apply the thing correctly} I can already tell that the brace is controlling pain. For instance, I woke up with much less knee ache than I’m accustomed to facing every morning– there was no edema present in the affected knee. Instead I only felt the bone ache.

Ahh, sweet relief.

Now I am challenged to find healthy ways in which I can deal with the psychic ” shit’ that I pick up everywhere. Yesterday I had a good talk with a dear friend who suggested that I put all the ” shit’  { my word, not hers} in a box clearly labeled after I acknowledge it and walk away.  My friend, who is a member of my parish and also a highly sensitive ” feeler”  and I shared a long phone conversation last night– which is ironic since I normally hate talking on the phone.  my friend agreed with my priest  with whom I talked with in person yesterday}  that balance is key.  perhaps now that I got the knee issue under control I can work on finding ways to compartmentalize my ‘ shit’ that i get from the world.

Feeling grateful today for three things;

Good medical care. { not everyone has this, and I am so blessed with decent insurance]

The best daggum clergy team in the entire Episcopal Church, including a rector who wants me to grow and flourish and therefore will tell me what I need to hear in order to continue to grow into the best Sarah possible.

Friends who totally get me, or even if they don’t , love me enough in spite of myself. I know I can be challenging at times, and friends who understand  [ as best as anyone can] the inner workings of my mind are priceless treasures.

In the name of all that is good.

Amen.